Good News, Bad News

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: It’s triplets.
Worse: You had a vasectomy. Three years ago.

Good: Your wife isn’t speaking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Worse: She’s a lawyer.

Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He’s sleeping with the elderly neighbour.
Worse: So are you.

Good: Your son spends a lot of time in his room.
Bad: You find hidden porn films in there.
Worse: You’re in some of them.

Good: Your husband has finally agreed — no more kids!
Bad: You can’t find your contraceptives.
Worse: Your daughter took them.

Good: Your husband has a good eye for fashion.
Bad: You realise he has been secretly wearing your clothes.
Worse: They look better on him.

Good: You give your daughter the talk about the birds and the bees.
Bad: She keeps interrupting…
Worse: …and correcting you.

Good: Your son is going on his first date.
Bad: With a man.
Worse: Who is your boyfriend.

Good: Your daughter finds a job right after graduating.
Bad: As a prostitute.
Worse: Some of your colleagues are her clients.
Awful: She earns more than you.

Good: Reading all this, you smile.
Bad: You know people in similar situations.
Worse: You are one of them.