American Movies

1. Beds are made with special L-shaped blankets that reach a woman’s armpits and barely to the waist of the man lying beside her.
2. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will think to look for you there, and from it you can reach any point in the building you like.
3. If you want to pass as a German officer, you need not speak German. A German accent will do.
4. Men show no sign of pain even when a forest of blows rains down on them, but when a woman starts cleaning their wounds they always wince.
5. Kitchens have no light switches. Instead you walk in, open the fridge, and it lights the room.
6. Anyone who wakes from a nightmare sits up suddenly, panting, in bed.
7. A cough is usually a sign of a fatal disease.
8. All bombs have a display with large red digits, so you always know exactly when they are due to go off.
9. If you start dancing in the middle of the street, it turns out everyone knows the steps.
10. Face to face with an evil international terrorist, your best weapons against him are sarcasm and wit.
11. One man shooting at twenty other men has a better chance of killing them than twenty men shooting at one.
12. Every laptop is powerful enough to break into the communications system of an invading alien civilisation.
13. Most people keep newspaper clippings in special albums — especially if a relative has recently died in a strange boating accident.
14. Detectives can solve tangled cases only after they have been taken off the job.
15. When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English.
16. If you are the hero, you will never be charged with massacre or criminal damage, even if you flatten an entire city.
17. Whenever you need a hacksaw, you will find one nearby.
18. Any lock can be opened with a credit card or a paperclip in seconds — except when it is the door to a burning building with a small child left inside.
19. When you drive a car it is normal to look not at the road the whole time, but at the person in the seat beside you or behind you.
20. Even on a perfectly straight road, you have to yank the wheel sharply from time to time.
21. Taxi drivers never want exact or even approximate payment — the first note you pull from your pocket is always the right one.
22. Honest, hard-working policemen are usually shot three days before they retire.
23. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they are to fall in love.
24. If a large window pane is clearly visible, in a second someone will be thrown through it.
25. The Eiffel Tower is visible from every window in Paris.
26. The chance of surviving any battle in any war is almost 100%, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a photograph of the sweetheart waiting for you at home.
27. Once you put lipstick on, it stays on your mouth forever — even when you are scuba-diving.
28. Every shopping bag contains at least one baguette.
29. Instead of wasting their bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to finish off their greatest enemies with elaborate devices involving fuses, ropes, deadly gases, laser beams and man-eating sharks, giving the prisoners at least twenty minutes to escape.
30. If you are blonde and beautiful, the odds of becoming an expert in nuclear physics at 22 are really very high.
31. No matter how many opponents you face in a fight involving Eastern martial arts: they will wait patiently to attack you one by one, circling with threatening steps, until you have dealt with the one currently fighting you.
32. If you set out to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut — you will always hit the right one.
33. At least one of two identical twins is born evil by nature.
34. Spacious New York apartments are within almost anyone’s means — whether they work or not.

last edited: 2026-08-16 11:47